i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
