There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
