I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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