His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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