I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
