So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
