just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
