We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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