she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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