Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Your penis caused this!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
