So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
