I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
