What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
