I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
