I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
