i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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