i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
