I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
