It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
