in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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