Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
