Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
