What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
