Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize