I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the condom got lost in my hair
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
