do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
