just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
