I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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