she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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