I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
