apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
