Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
