rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
