Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Couch. On fire.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
