the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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