What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
