apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Also, beer. Big fan.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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