just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Green mimosas i think yes
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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