I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
