Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
