69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
