i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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