Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Randomize