fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
