he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
