im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
