i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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