Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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