It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
