$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
