If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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