Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
