I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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