Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
