I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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