drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
