last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
