my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
