apparently the secret to your success is patron
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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