I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
