Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
