??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
