How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize