i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
