p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
