Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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