Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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