he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
