We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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