Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize