Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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