Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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