Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
