We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
