I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
