i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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