He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
