Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
