elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
