There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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