You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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