He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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