Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
