carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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