The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
