dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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