omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
