Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
