I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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