Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
