K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
