i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
