are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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