I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
