So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
