people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
