i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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