is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
