i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
