I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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