Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
