i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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