apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
