You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize