He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
