He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
