she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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