i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
