Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
