so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
