Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
